What’s the weirdest phone call you have ever received?

I hear a pause on the line, it goes quiet for a few seconds.

Looks at phone, sees a number local to me, so I answered.

Sure no problem officer.

What are your thoughts on a Russian poetry prize banning entries from transgender people? Why is Russia so transphobic?

Do you reside at 1234 X X Lane?

Long pause, OK. (Inaudible talking). Could you hang on for just a sec?

Hi this is Sargent Moss from the County detention center. Is this Sean?

Why do so many FtM people act like MtF people don't exist and what the hell am I supposed to do as an MtF person?

Do what? Officer, I'm sorry I have no kids of my own, and I don't know anybody by that name.

Yes sir it is.

Whew, not in trouble!! But someone named Sean with a similar number is apparently about to have a rather bad day.

How do I know if he loves me? When he wants me to be his gf he make time for me and send me morning and night messages and done everything to melt my heart. Now I am his gf and he don't treat me that way now.

Is your number (xxx) xxx-xxxx??

HELLO

ATTENTION SPIKES UP. What could he want with me? Did I do something wrong? Lord did I forget to pay something? Questions start flying through my head. What would the detention center sheriff want with me?

Do straight guys like to have sex with men when they smoke meth?

I was trying to reach out to you because we have a Mr X here, who claims you are his legal guardian. He needs you to come down and sign some forms.

After a few moments he returns.

No sir I sure don't, I live in the next city over.

Why does my best friend call me ugly and act like she’s joking, but today she looked at me and said “I wouldn’t lie to you”? What should I say back to her?

I'm sorry to bother you, my staff just told me our guy corrected his information and had a number off for his home phone. Have a good day. Hangs up.

{RING} {RING}